The Resume Bee

A blogging friend, Ms. Muensterbee in my blogroll, has started a new resume polishing bizz on the side – check her out.  Meanwhile, she inspired me to write about a few of the gems that have made their way across my desk in my going-on-three years as an HR Manager. Marcie – I’m going to start giving some of these people your number. 

**Yes, I’m making fun of mostly poor and uneducated people.  It’s a little snarky.  But I have to laugh sometimes, or I’d cry all day.

 

Other Information/Objective:

·        I want a job.   What a surprise.

·        I want to learn everything I can in America so I can go back to <foreign country> in three years and start my own business.  OK, so this is honorable.  But, still – this info should be on a NTK basis, and I as the hiring manager who has spend lots of time training you do not Need To Know that you plan on leaving me in a few years.

·        I’m shy.  I like to work by myself.  I don’t really like working with others.  Seriously?

·        I’m confident that I can be a big asse to the company.  Your proofreading skills are perfect, to the t.

 

Special Skills:

·        I am reall good at typing I even have did correction’s on people resume’s for a job.  I actually saved this resume and pull it out when I need a laugh.  The whole thing was a gem.  She had a love affair with the apostrophe.

·        Ever since my first job at Food Lion I have had constant attraction with people.  Hey there, Casanova, I think you meant ‘interaction.’

·        Machine Operator with forklift drivers lieniense  His spell check obviously didn’t know what to do with "lieniense." 

·        I am great with communation and people as you can tell tho not perfect with spelling.  Honesty.  It’s underrated.

 

Reason for Leaving:

·        I had an altercation with a client involving a forklift.  I’m scared of you.

·        Disagreement with management on how to do my job.  OK . . . again with the NTK.

·        Missed a lot of days.  If you ain’t even gonna TRY to give me an excuse . . .

·        Wasn’t enough hours giving.  This was for a management position.  This guy had a BA.

 

Hobbies:

·        I spend all my free time running a music production company, its where I pour all my energy and soul.  Looking forward to seeing you sail out of the office at 3pm every day.

 

 

Position Applied:

·        Labortory Technican  Would you like to buy a couple of vowels?

·        Administrive Assistent  If we can’t spell it, how can we do it?  It’s ok to use a dictionary.  It’s not ok to not know you NEED to use one.

·        Date Entery Personal Ditto above.  If you struggle with the difference between personnel and personal (as many people do, and there is no shame) – just avoid both words.