One Track Mind

Signs of Early Labor:

 

Dull lower back pain

Pelvic pressure

Digestive Issues

Increased trapped gas due to baby pressure

Menstrual-like cramps

Nesting – feeling the urge to clean and organize to a pathological degree

Increased Braxton Hicks (practice) contractions

Lightening, or dropping

 

Symptoms I have been experiencing for the past two weeks:

 

Dull lower back pain (til now it was all between the shoulder blades)

Pelvic pressure (he likes to burrow down with his head)

Digestive Issues (oh my)

Increased trapped gas due to baby pressure (dear oh dear)

Menstrual-like cramps (YES, although if I drink approx. ten gallons of water they will subside)

Nesting – feeling the urge to clean and organize to a pathological degree (the other day I scrubbed out the inside of the oven hood and then vacuumed out the silverware drawer)

Increased Braxton Hicks (practice) contractions (they don’t hurt . . . exactly . . . but boy is it weird)

Lightening, or dropping (I think, though the past two days it feels like he crawled back up)

 

My conclusion:

 

I’ve been in labor for the past two weeks.  Baby should be born any second now.  Gee, this wasn’t so hard.

 

In all seriousness – – – I guess the thing that makes you the most crazy in the last few weeks of your first pregnancy is wondering if each new discomfort could possibly be the beginning of earnest labor, and then learning that, no, it’s just another discomfort that has been added to your repertoire and it has no significance and stop being such a baby about it, suck it up and puke up your toothpaste and then keep getting ready for work because IT WON’T BE TODAY, HUNNEH.  The other thing that has been making me somewhat crazy is monitoring baby movement.  You always have to have in the back of your mind whether your baby is moving as frequently as he normally does, because if he’s not then he could be in distress.  So if I feel like it’s been more than 20 minutes since I felt a swish or a swirl or a punch or a head swivel from wee Jack-Jack, suddenly my heart drops into the pit of my stomach and I wonder COULD HIS UMBILICAL CORD BE CRIMPED, and I start poking him until he moves.  I know this impulse doesn’t change once he’s born, and there will be many times that I will race into his bedroom and wake him up from a deep sleep to be sure he’s still breathing.  But at least then I’ll be able to see, hear, touch him.  Now I have to rely on my very grumpy internal organs to let me know if he is moving sufficiently ("Yup," wheeze the kidneys, "he’s strong as ever, and quit poking us.")

 

Put all this stuff together, and I become a watched pot that never boils – but is ready to boil over at any moment.  I never thought I’d say this, but thank god for my job.  I’m definitely not performing at my level best this week (see: yesterday, when I had the worst headache and felt like I had the flu and thereby spent the day shredding paper while listening to the comedy channels on Sirius radio.)  But it’s helpful to have other things to think about besides myself.  To be forced to get up and shower and brush my teeth and start the day.  Otherwise I may be tempted to just lay in the bed with my arms crossed and pout until the baby finally comes out.

 

In other news . . . I was awarded the title of

 

BLOG OF DISTINCTION

 

from Jen over at Bombay.  It’s almost a shame it happened now, really, because at other times of my life I have been much more interesting.  Anyone who reads Jen’s blog and happens to click over to mine is getting a raw deal at the moment.  But tough cookies, because my energy reserves are too low to waste any of them on forcing myself to think about something other then THE BIG BAD BABY.  If you click here, new friends, do report back in a few weeks when I am even more sleep deprived and one-track-minded, and I promise I’ll be more interesting.  Or, at least I’ll have cute pictures.

 

I do believe that after being awarded this lovely honor, I am supposed to bestow it myself on five others.  Hmmmm.  Well, I can’t give it back to Jen, much as I would like to, because she’s (a) funny, (b) positive, (c) very giving, (d) funny, and (e) likes orange things.  What more could you want from a blogger?

 

So, here’s my list of five, and then I’m off to plan a safety training class for next week that I seriously hope will have to be postponed due to my absence, for many reasons (OK everybody, want to learn about signs of imminent labor?  No?  Well, you want to count fetal movements with me?  No??  What is wrong with you?  Shut the hell up, this is my class.  We’ll get to the First Aid in a minute, but first let’s practice our relaxation techniques.)

 

1. A Secret Blog – Unfortunately this person has had some real life people follow her from blog to blog and leave harrassing comments, so she’s had to keep her newest blog secret and anonymous.  This girl got me started on blogging, and it’s been a real treat in my life.  Without her I never would have begun this writing experiment, and I really thank her.  As for her blog – it is funny, and fun, and sometimes very provocative, and it’s been a wonderfully detailed chronicle of a very interesting time in her life.  Things aren’t always good, things aren’t always bad, but she’s written about it every step of the way, and I really enjoy her take on everything.

 

2. Sweet and Salty – a new obsession.  She has two healthy sons and one spirit son, a twin who didn’t survive the trauma of a difficult birth, and she writes with a simple eloquence and self-awareness that I admire.

 

3. John – He wouldn’t care about such a thing as being a Blog of Distinction, but I still have to list him.  He has a biting wit and says whatever he thinks, and my only complaint is he doesn’t write often enough to keep me satiated.  (And he writes pretty often!)

 

4. Breed Em and Weep – she’s a published writer by trade, trying her best to survive as an artist.  It isn’t easy, and she’s about to embark on a difficult road of divorce with two small children, but she writes with such clarity.  I enjoy every entry.

 

5. The Wonder Women! – dude, how cool are we?  This is the best of what blogging can do, reinforcing old friendships and helping us stay emotionally connected from four far flung states.